we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
