they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I party with great urgency now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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