you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
