Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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