you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
