I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
