and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
