i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
