Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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