She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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