Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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