Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize