if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
