she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
