i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
