Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
