HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
