Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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