How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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