brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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