Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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