you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
