I wanna passion pit in your ass
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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