it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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