Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
