he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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