3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
