i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize