someone threw a dead crab at me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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