Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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