It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
