I feel great
I just peed on a car
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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