I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
