Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
