Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
