Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
