not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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