I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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