At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
