I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
