Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
