im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
