I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
