he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
