using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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