i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just pee around me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
