hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
