We won't sleep together?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
