Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
