hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
