It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
