Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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