Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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