...so i touched it.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I came so hard my ears popped.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
