Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
