after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
