I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
