they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
