Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
