actually, I'm a sock model
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
