How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize